It's been a while between posts - life gets like that. I've never been the type of girl to keep a diary for an extended period of time (I'd get good for a few months ... then it would drift off ... and then I'd start with a renewed vigour ... you get the idea). It seems bizarre to me that people would post their inner-most thoughts and experiences for the world to read about and make their own judgements on.
BUT, I've started to realise that it's not about anyone else but me, and that this format, this structure of thought release is just one medium that I have at my disposal to express and deliberate on my own thoughts and feelings - and if it helps ONE person, then I'm overjoyed.
I've been helped recently by some amazing people. In fact, I've been blessed a number of times throughout this year, and I'm so incredibly grateful that I just can't even begin to describe it. A massive influence in my life this year has been my lovely friend Janet (you can read her blog here : http://www.clearingouttheshit.blogspot.com). Janet, you know that I love you, but you don't understand the massive impact you've had on my life this year - so publicly, I just wanted to say how AWESOME you are. Love ya guts babe.
So - over the weekend I had an opportunity to 'repay' some kindness in a very small way, by participating in a secret morning tea for a lovely girl on our 30+ crew page. Three gorgeous girls from the 30+ page and myself made the trek to Toowoomba to celebrate with this darling lady, and whilst it CERTAINLY made me extend my comfort zones (I HATE driving on highways, and going out with people that I've only met once or twice is very confronting for me), I am SO GLAD I went. I haven't laughed that hard in ages, and I'll never look at the 'Castle of Dinmore' the same way again :0)
Two of these beautiful travelling companions encouraged me to attend a bootcamp the next morning - again, challenging me to extend my comfort zones. I took my eldest baby chick and HAD A BALL!!
At the end of the bootcamp, Ange did an Emazon-style guided meditation. I was SO EXCITED about this, I thought, "Finally! I get to speak to my red self again!" (Now, of course I do realise that I can speak to her any time I choose, but I digress ...). I was so excited, and sat there, eagerly awaiting my 'message' from my red self so that I could accept the message and start 'doing something' with it ... ha ha ha.
I got to the part where you walk into your room, where your 'self' will be waiting. I walked in through the white corridor, through the white door, into the white room with a ruby red love seat in the corner ... and no self. I was disappointed to say the least - gutted might be a better descriptor. My immediate thought was, "Yup, another f'ing thing I can't do right!". I lay there in tears, waiting, waiting, waiting for my message, which didn't come. Ange then guided us to walk out of the room and up the stairs. As I was walking out of the room, this little sing-song voice called out, "You expect too much." Cheeky biatch!!
So, I'm taking that on board. I really do expect too much of people, and too much of myself. I go above and beyond for people, and when they let me down, I get really upset. And I don't think that lowering my expectations of others is a bad thing at this point, because I am setting them up for failure when they don't reach my incredibly high standards and expectations. And I set my own self up for failure when I set the bar too high and don't reach it.
It's time to be realistic. So- my New Year's "Resolution"? Go gently and be accepting of anything that the universe throws into my path, because it is there to teach me a lesson.
Have a great New Year's Eve!!
