Day One

So, it's the first day of Round1, 2013. BRING IT ON.

So far - I'v eaten breakfast (yay, this is a BIG thing for me, I HATE breakfast food)> I had really yummy low fat vanilla yoghurt with a delicious home made paleo granola. Yummo!

I dropped my eldest at school - and then headed straight to the gym. I got there heaps early, and was going to wait around until the 9:30 class started. This was my excuse to avoid the interval sprints that are on the L&F program for Day one. Then the creche director said, "What are you waiting for? Get out there and do it." So I did.

I ran for 15 minutes as a warm up. I did 15 minutes on the rower (OH MY GOD I AM DYING ALREADY). I did 15 minutes interval sprints. Did I follow the plan - yes about 85%. The speeds on the interval sprints were simply too much for me - but I tried my hardest and that's ok. I did the best I could - and L&S is certainly a challenge for me this round. I'm gonna do my best, not give up, and smash my fitness goals.

I went to the finale over the weekend. I was so inspired by the amazing women there - the men and women who won transformation prizes, inspirational models, etc. But most of all it was those of us who hide in the background, who plod along and don't boast about our achievements, who secretly wish we had enough self confidence to put ourselves out there - YOU INSPIRE ME THE MOST. Because the hardest part of the struggle to become healthy is making the commitment to yourself. And you've done that. And so have I.

My beautiful friend just posted this:
"My parents used to have this old queenslander and it was nothing fancy. But it's stumps were rotting out. They had to restump the whole house for it to be standing again. And that's kind of how I've seen this journey. You could pretty up the house itself but if you didn't replace the stumps it would eventually collapse no matter what it looked liKE. I always knew that was the secret was changing who I was on the inside I just didn't know how and one day it just all clicked and I got it."

YES!!!!

Has it just clicked for me? I truly think so. Because as much as I want the outside of me to be 'beautiful' (according to whom? I don't know ...), I truly want to feel beautiful on the inside and be TRULY AT PEACE with myself. So that means treating my body like a temple, because it does amazing things, it really does. 

So to those Easter Eggs sitting in the cupboard - enjoy that cupboard, cos you're not coming out until the Easter Bunny visits my kids. To the two vodka cruisers sitting in the fridge - meh. To the delicious healthy food sitting in my fridge - welcome. To my children - your mum is back, baby!

 

Where do I belong?

I've signed up for the next round of 12WBT. I'm kicking my bad habits, my old emotional fallbacks and my self sabotage to the curb. I am getting to my goal weight, or if not, I'll be so frigging close I can smell it. So there.

I did my fitness test today. Confession time - it's the first time I've ever really done it. Yeah, I've done the time trials before. But I NEVER did the wall sit. I did the sit ups ... but I NEVER did the push ups. I did the flexibility - because I knew I'd get a good result on that one. So today - no excuses. I planked in the middle of the gym for 64 seconds. Technically that puts me in the advanced range for the program, along with my results for the pushups and the flexibility. My 1km time trial is 7m6s, so not too bad, and my wall sit was atrocious - so definitely need to work on that, but I'm still in the intermediate range for those.

So, I thought I'd give Advanced Lean and Fit a go. Challenge myself. Went to introduce myself to the rest of the AL&F gang ... yeah, they're all like 50kg ... needing to lose like 1.4kg to get to goal weight. I want to lose at least 20kg ...

So where do I belong?

I don't know where to go ... what to do ... I didn't think this decision would be so hard!! But I guess the crux of the issue is :

Why do I feel that I am not good enough to do AL&F?

Thinking about it now - I am good enough to do it. I know that. Deep down, the truth is there. But why does all of this blue noise keep me back? Why am I letting it keep me back?

Recently a friend told me exactly what she thinks of my decision to do the next round of the 12WBT. She thinks that it encourages dependency and that it disempowers me. It was like a big smack to the face. I still haven't replied to her, because I feel that she doesn't understand my journey.  MY JOURNEY - not hers.  And I guess that this comment has made me question myself and my determination to successfully complete this round.

Can I see the dependency? Yes, absolutely - but I don't feel dependent on the program. I feel like it empowers me to learn about myself, my body, the nutrition my body requires and the effort it takes to be healthy. I can see other people incredibly dependent on the program - there is a hero worship that I don't necessarily agree with - but at the same time, these people are all on their own journeys, and who am I to judge them? Would I ever tell them that I thought that what they were doing is wrong? NO. It's not my call to make. So there's the difference between her and I. I believe every single person is entitled to their own journey, and that it will be different for every one of us. So why not celebrate people's successes, no matter how they were achieved?

Can't we all just get along??

So ... have I made my decision about AL&F? No, not yet. What am I waiting on? I don't know.