Moving on

So after my "Monster-In-Law" post I got really down. Felt really lonely, felt depressed, all that shit had been brought back to the surface so I had to face it AGAIN. I've struggled to deal with it, but I'm getting there.

I was grocery shopping with the three chickens today, and a mum came up to me and started asking me if people talk to me about 'how sorry they feel for me that I have boys". I told her, YES! All the time!! She told me that she was the mother of four boys, and that she has the same thing happen to her.

In that moment, I felt a spark of confidence, a spark of something powerful. You know what? My life is NEVER going to be good enough for some people. But why do I care what they think? I KNOW that my boys will always love me, and that we will be close and that they will ALWAYS know that they can come to me with WHATEVER it is that troubles them. They will ALWAYS be loved, ALWAYS be wanted, ALWAYS be cared for. So whatever shape that takes in the future, I will be secure in the knowledge that I love them, and that they love me.

It was so reassuring to have that mother approach me. I think she could see that I was struggling, subconsciously maybe she does too. But it was so nice to have someone approach me and tell me that she gets it, and that she understands. Just some random lady that has helped me get that mindset back. I can't thank her enough.

I've always smiled at mums of boys - because I know what the world thinks of us. That we're not 'complete' parents because we don't have children of differing sexes. I've friends with three girls, or even four girls, and they get the same thing, but they get told to 'watch out for the teenage years, because your daughters will turn into nightmares!". Honestly? And then I have friends with their 'pigeon pair' who get told that they need to provide brothers and sisters for each child. My God - nothing is EVER good enough.

Anyways ...

I found my old skirt in the back of the cupboard today. I wanted to keep it as evidence of how far I have come in this journey. So here is the picture I took today :

That's me AND S, in the skirt that used to be skin tight on me in February, 2012. Gobsmacked.

So I've signed up for the next round of 12WBT and couldn't be more excited. I think I just need the next round to really cement what I have learned, and keep going :)