I started at my new job and got some great information from my teaching partners. But I'm still really stressed. I just want to do a good job, because I want to set these little ones up for success, and to do that well, I need to demonstrate success in my job ...
I was washing up the dishes, chatting to my husband about just how much work I have to do. About how stressed I am with DS1 started school next week, DS2 starting kindy next week and DS3 starting daycare next week. About how guilty I feel that DS3 has to go to daycare. About how guilty I feel that I haven't been to the gym in nearly 2 weeks (DS1 had an anaphylactic reaction last week, so we were in hospital most of that time!). About how much housework I have to do ... you get the picture.
So then, this happened:
The glass I was washing broke, and carved up my hand. Ouch. Straight up to the local hospital for five stitches.
If this is not the universe telling me to slow down, nothing is!! I can't wash my hair, I can't put my bra on in the morning! I can't take it off at night (even worse!) I can't do the washing up, I can't go to the gym ...
So - big arse truck. Thanks universe. I'll listen from now on.
Another thing that's been happening lately is that my friend and I were going to go to the Brisbane 12WBT finale. She's now pulled out (for her own reasons) and whilst I'm incredibly disappointed - I'm actually quite worried as well. This is making me face up to the fact that I'm still incredibly insecure in my own skin. I'm still terrified of what people think of me. I will know a handful of people at finale, and I'm sure that they are all going with their own friends, so why would they want me tagging along? I'm *this close* to not going, but at the same time, I don't want these feelings of mine to win. Because that puts me back where I was this time last year. Is it just blue noise? I dunno ... at least I've got lots of time to think about it haha ...
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